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31 Aug While you may think that you have risen to the ranks of Casanova in spinning affairs,. it is the little things that give you away. Having an affair is obviously scorned upon and nobody likes to make it too apparent. To keep your relationship or marriage intact, it might pay to learn a thing or two about hiding. 13 Dec Keeping the secret may take more energy than building the relationship. Also, these foundational essentials may be missing. 6 Jul She finds a sensitive, sexy secret lover who promises all. article continues after advertisement. As you can see from the above vignettes, women have secret lovers, primarily. because they're not getting their needs and desires met in their marriages. Try as they may, wives are often unable to reach their.

Sarah Palin quits her job. The pundits are stumped. When Todd found out about the affair he dissolved the partnership. Alas, her secret lover did not fare so well after all. On the heels of so many scandals, is the shoe of yet another secret lover to drop?

Is the double standard still alive and well? Estimates of infidelity range from percent of women compared to percent of men.

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The gap is closing. Why then do so many women take secret lovers? Why do they cheat? A desperate plea for help and a daring catalyst for change in their marriage or their own selves, the affair is serious stuff.

Debra, a stay-at- home mom seems to have it all. Actually home sweet home is not so sweet. Humdrum days — food shopping, cooking, cleaning and carting her How To Have A Secret Lover around — go on and on. She feels trapped, bored, powerless, and lonely. Her brain chemicals are on strike. Along comes an attentive, sexy admirer and bingo! In a perfect world, she would have the best of both worlds — a career and motherhood.

In our less than perfect world, she does not. He does not help nor does he understand her desires or needs. Her co-worker Larry does. Mary desires committed love in marriage, security, children and comfort, all that good stuff. A little like her mom, but not exactly. Mary desires more from her marriage. Along with love, she longs for lust, romance, excitement, and passionate hot sex in her marriage. Sociopolitical history, pop culture, dampened down brain chemicals, and family history entwine and strangle her strivings.

Unshackling from her corseted past, Mary breathes freely. Air borne of desire carries the wings of surprise. To her surprise, she sees clearly that her husband is not doing it for her. She finds a sensitive, sexy secret lover who promises all. As you can see from the above vignettes, women have secret lovers, primarily. Try as they may, wives are often unable to reach their husbands. Feeling stifled, unfulfilled, frustrated, and helpless in their marriages, they step outside of their marriages.

Sociopolitical history, pop culture, dampened down brain chemicals, and family history entwine and strangle her strivings. If someone asks to go with you, don't let them. Great advice that can save people a life of problems and heartache.

Taking the step is in itself empowering. The affair is a daring active choice, not a more-of- the-same passive response. What about the children? People often stay in unsatisfactory marriages for the sake of the children.

It is a fallacy. Parents in miserable marriages only make for miserable children. The legacies for these children are blighted models of marital relationships, and unfulfilled, powerless mothers. The affair, while not necessarily the most prudent choice, is nevertheless an act of empowerment. Instead of a weak, dependent or embittered mother, the children now have a stronger, more independent, and fulfilled female role model.

A common myth is that the affair is about sex. For the most part, sex was better at home before romance eroded. Screaming fights or silent simmering hostility erodes romance and distinguishes the flames of passion. Chances are that problems in your sex life are not about the quality, but the quantity. Fighting to the death or suffering How To Have A Secret Lover silence snuffs kills sexual desire for most wives.

If insufficient sex is the result of unsatisfactory marriages and affairs the result of unhappy marriages, what are the causes? What do wives want? I have found that wives want mutuality, equal power relationships, and recognition from their husbands. Devotion, love, and commitment without passionate sex, fun, and excitement is the steak without the sizzle.

For wives to feel sexy they need the sizzle. You don't have to be a Sarah Palin fan to call this trash. So consider the source. Indeed, I am in good company. I agee with the author and in my view there is nothing wrong with women making relationship decisions about sex.

Double standard — forgiving men but excoriating women.

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I was in a long sexless relationship — and I know the struggles associated with that. I would not fault SP about her choices — just the professed politics associates with the choices. Ultimately, the extra-marital affair decision is about self-respect.

I could not pull that trigger until I filed — notwithstanding inclination and opportunity — and I am a progressive.

It's a formula for passion, and a formula for dire trouble, but what's life without a little risk? You need to be able to provide a skeletal accounting of where you have gone and with whom. However, that may not be practical for all women.

But, politics aside — after conversations with marriage counselors and a marital sex therapist — if you need sizzle and you get steak an no sizzle — it just is not a meal. Marriage is a game for competent adults. People should understand that. Sarah Palin -- like all "public figures" who "seek the limelight" are not subject to much more info protection. And, given the scurrilous conduct of office holders of both parties, erring on the side of press freedom seems to be an appropriate response to assure protection of democracy.

Palin wanted privacy, she knew how she could assure that. Thank you for your cogent comment. I especially applaud you for sharing a personal experience of a marraige with the steak and not the sizzle. I wish you lots of sizzle.

With half the people getting divorced and half of the rest having affairs you wonder why it isn't obvious that monogamy is a flawed approach to sex?

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Clearly it's not what Mother Nature had in mind. As to affairs, it usually is a catalyst for change and, most often, the marraige is what needs to be changed. I ask couples if a check for a million dollars fell from the sky with your name on it, would you share or scoot?

Three years is How To Have A Secret Lover the breaking point Stay beyond that period and you pretty much give up on any kind of fulfilling sexual satisfaction. And why don't parents warn their children? Knowing what they should know by that time, how can they possibly give such poor advice?

There was an article about 20 years ago Cosmo magazine, I believe, about the tendency for women to be involved with one of visit web page types of men: A man who is career-driven and does well at providing for his wife at the expense of time and attention at home, and 2.

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A man who gives his woman all the attention she wants but can't hold a job. Yes, these are extreme positions, and certainly there is a continuity click these two extremes.

But, I am guessing that the article was written because these two extremes are experienced often enough that How To Have A Secret Lover related to them. Herein lies part of the problem. Women demand both from their husbands, apparently without regard for visit web page inherent sacrifices In a perfect world she would get both, but what women doesn't send her husband off to provide a nice house, nice car, jewelry, etc, and then demand the sizzle at home as if the financial chase she has demanded hasn't already expended his energy?

This is not to excuse an inattentive husband. But, it is a little distasteful that the article seems to imply that only husbands are guilty of neglecting their marital duties. Men seek outside relationships often for the same reasons the author speaks of. After coming home from a hard day at work, he is faced with a complaining wife who is dressed as if she is ready for nothing How To Have A Secret Lover than yard work.

Both sides are responsible for keeping the fires alive. If the woman isn't getting what she wants, perhaps she should also look at herself. Maybe some of the fault lies there. The article in Cosmo 20 years ago was simplistic and broke all of marital discontent into a polarity of financial extremes. I have not found that to be the case today.

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Women today work, have careers like men, and are not caught up in financial dependency issues as they were 20 years ago. Today a women - and a man - desires empathy, emotional attunement, reciprocity, and mutuality. While I wrote about women, let me say, that the issue is not gender specific. Indeed, the statistics show that more men than women have affairs,but that the gap is closing.