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I don't think there's anything wrong with dating someone in your program, if it naturally happens, but I also wouldn't treat grad school as a matchmaking service . I wouldn't want to miss out on all the things my grad school has to offer by being stuck in the mindset that this is my "last opportunity to meet a large. I mean, I would have no issue dating a professor -- it's not like there's a huge age gap between me and many of them -- but I suspect the school would not like it. So , yes, it is difficult to negotiate dating in grad school if you want to date someone who understands the amount of time you need to spend on work and who is on. 13 Nov You might remember me from my college days as HC's Real Live College Guy, where I advised on picking up college guys, detecting cheaters,and what never to talk about with a guy among many other pressing college guy-related issues. Well now I'm a grad student—a law school student. Though love.
I normally stay away from very personal topics, like dating and relationships, but I genuinely would like advice on dating while in graduate school.
I currently am single and am wondering about how I go about meeting people in a new city and new school. From experience, I definitely will not be doing any inter-departmental dating, but I am kind of thinking that I might want to stay away from dating students in general.
I think it would be nice to date someone who is out in the workforce So, I would really like The Free Gay Site on how I go about meeting someone who could potentially be a significant other.
I hear too many stories about females in academia who have regretted sacrificing their personal lives in order to excel as a graduate student and then as a professor.
This is a bit stressful! Although graduate school and having a career are definitely important to me, I do want to be able to have a personal life and find happiness outside of academia. So again, if anyone can help me out with this Dating A Guy In Grad School, I would be grateful! I've been a bit embarrassed to bring this subject up, but it has been weighing on me, so I figured I would put this out there. I'm also sure there are others who may have a similar question.
Get involved in some activity outside of school--church, special interest group, volunteer community service group, you name it. I'm one of those people who has their finger in several pies at once and I've met a LOT of really cool men this way. Didn't do me a lot of good for many years because I wasn't single then--but I can see that my "getting involved" habit is really going to pay off now that I am back on the market.
Dating A Guy In Grad School is absolutely right. One of my colleagues came to town single just over two years ago and married her now husband yesterday. She met him by getting involved with a local church that had a young adult group that organizes regular get-togethers.
Another colleague met a long-term boyfriend through a community yoga group. Thanks for providing some examples runonsentence! I definitely feel a lot more optimistic now: Internet dating sites - yes, seriously. I've used them since I was an undergrad and have met some wonderful men, some of which turned out to be long term relationships. I'm not good at meeting people out and about, in bars, etc. Sure, there are some people that aren't totally truthful, but those people can be out in church groups, yoga clubs, and bars, too.
I met my current boyfriend online. He's a city planner and has been one of my biggest supporters of my academic pursuits. We've been together for almost two years and we're both really happy. You should give it a try. If anything, you can just see what's out there. I picked my husband up off the street, literally.
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I do agree that getting involved in activities outside of school would help you meet people outside the world of academia. You might also want to make friends with people at school. If you attend their social events then you could potentially meet other people at those events that share similar interests. Even if it is just a backyard BBQ they are hosting. You never know, they might have some nice neighbors. Again I'm here to say don't do the online thing Yes the weird people can be anywhere but there's a higher concentration online.
If you try online dating, go with something free, like OKcupid. OKcupid used to have a really compelling argument for why paying for online dating doesn't make sense, mathematically.
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Apparently they've taken it down from their site since they were bought my Match. There's a theory that if you have to pay for the use of an online dating site that you're more likely to be serious about meeting people for deeper and more meaningful relationships.
I'm not sure if I buy that, but I've had experience with both free and paying sites, and it does seem to me that free sites cater to "hook-ups" more than relationships. But to each his own. As for the higher concentration of weirdos online Who do you think is online?
All of those people Dating A Guy In Grad School see out in the world, including us. And please don't say "bingo! Thanks for the advice everyone, really. While I do know of people finding successful relationships online, I don't think online dating is for me. I think I will just stick with meeting people through social activities.
I would like to add, from my own experience, that dating someone outside of academia can be difficult in itself, which is why many of us inter-marry. It also helps that we have read more same schedules. Many of my friends who aren't with people in academia list the differences in their careers as a huge issue in their relationships--it's just hard to understand our work from the outside looking in.
We can study together on weekends, and he understands when I have to stay up late to finish reading for seminar.
Probably the most source thing is: The relationship strain has been really tough, but things are finally looking up now that I am getting closer to the big prize. Just ride it through, put some solid investments in getting to know people regardless of their sex without any hope for anything more, and use Tinder and bars to deal with the other stuff. I think getting up and going to bed at the same time are important. What gets tricky is the fact that we are on different academic schedules.
We find balance, too, in being from different fields, as we can give each other advice from the perspective of an outsider to the field but also, nevertheless, from the perspective of an academic. I actually only have experience dating others from school, which is why I am thinking that dating outside of school might be something I should think about.
While someone from academia might understand what I am going through as a doctoral student, I am also sure that there are people in the outside world who can also be sympathetic.
Again, because I don't have experience dating outside of school, I am leaning towards meeting people who are not in academia. I know that for myself, I do get caught up in everything school-related, and forget that there are people who actually exist outside of academia who are just as smart, interesting, fun, and intelligent as those who are in academia. Oh, I completely agree that there are definitely advantages to source outside of academia, but it's just been my experience that some of my friends partners don't realize that we do more work than the 12 hours we spend literally teaching, or that grading is actually HELLISH work, or that academic and intellectual pursuit is worthwhile even if "only a handful of people are going to read it.
I have never met relationship-worthy guys at a bar unless I knew them beforehand and we just happened to finally talk at a bar. I have met most of them through sports I play rugby, we're a very tight knit community and I met my current significant other through an engineering design club. I am in an extremely male-dominated field, however, so that certainly helps, although I have only dated one engineer.
I have friends outside of school who don't understand that reading and writing actually take time I think you advice definitely encourages me not to shut all doors Thanks for your help! Yeah, I'm in English Lit and my husband is in History.
It's nice because some of our stuff overlaps, but we're separate enough. You need to be a member Dating A Guy In Grad School order to leave a comment. Sign up for a new account in our community.
Already have an account? Posted July 31, edited. Hi everyone, I normally stay away from very personal topics, like dating and relationships, but Dating A Guy In Grad School genuinely would like advice on dating while in graduate school. Edited July 31, by ZeeMore Share this post Link to post Share on other sites.
Posted July 31, Glad to help, Zeemore! Posted August 1, Posted August 2, I do understand Timshel I would like to add, from my own experience, that dating someone outside of academia can be difficult in itself, which is why many of us inter-marry. I do understand Timshel I actually only have experience dating others from school, which is why I am thinking that dating outside of school might be something I should think about.
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Now my options are clubs on campus all undergraduates, who are harder to connect with after undergraduate is completemeetup. When we first started dating, I was working as a geologist at a gold mine on a 3 weeks in, 2 weeks out rotation. Best of luck to you with your studies and your search!! I would probably avoid dating someone in the same department, mostly because I need space - and what would we have left to talk about?
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